Cob: COB: From poor to simple

Sat Jul 14 21:44:25 CDT 2001

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<P>With due respect to many valid and thoughtful points about the nature of simplicity vs. poverty, I feel compelled to respond to what seems to me a generally privileged attitude of blaming the victim i.e. "obviously none are poor unless it's by choice".  If only those billions living in poverty on the planet had 'chosen' simplicity over poverty!!</P>
<P>If I were the young woman who wrote about her situation, I would likely at this point write off the whole natural building/simplicity crowd because having asked for some <EM>help (a first and bold recognition that we are all ultimately connected--though we aspire toward 'self-sufficiency'</EM>), she instead was judged for not having enough initiative!!  I may be mistaken, but did she mention that she was only 19 yrs old?  Holy cob you people!!!  She obviously has been through some very difficult passages and in my opinion, she didn't 'choose' to not finish school and take care of her family.  My hats are off to her for her tenacity and ability to come into her adulthood with any semblance of consciousness for the greater whole when it seems as if she's spent so much of her childhood barely staying on top of her material world.  To choose simplicity and natural building after many years of college, graduate school, and a career is a wildly different path than choosing to live simply when you're poor and part of your childhood has been robbed from your years.</P>
<P> My simplicity is voluntary and conscious; the original circumstances revolving around my poverty were not only of my own doing.  I grew up in a very mainstream middle American family that moved a lot (my father was an AF officer) and valued me for my academic gifts.  My family dynamic was highly dysfunctional and at times violently abusive, which has left me with a few emotional and spiritual lessons to be learned.  Material-world success was valued.  I am an intelligent, conscious divorced mother of two children by two different marriages.  </P>
<P>While both of my exes' 'quality of living' <EM>(as subjectively measured by the mainstream!</EM>) never declined and has, in fact, steadily risen over the years, my own material 'quality of life' has been a wild roller coaster ride, never once in all these years rising above said poverty level.  Because I choose simplicity, I see my life as being very rich and I consider myself extremely resourceful and blessed to have enough food and shelter.  Not ever having gotten ahead enough to make the break to off-grid, on-the-land living, I am stuck with the 'mainstream' expenses many off-grid people have only memories of.  Each month I have to choose which utilities will be paid and which medical or some other expense I can throw $10 at to stay off their 'red' lists.</P>
<P>I live in a 1920's farmhouse, wood heated <EM>(and some electric., which I can't afford</EM>) uninsulated, close but out of town <EM>(because I can't afford town rent and my soul needs to see the stars, unobscured by city light).  </EM>I have housemates who split the rent and electricity, and we compost, garden, recycle, catch rain water, eat low on the food chain, and buy organic <EM>(a choice! the result is less cash to buy gas or other luxuries</EM>), and live a generally low-impact lifestyle--which is not a common choice of the 'poor'.  My kids have grown up mostly without a TV, by choice.  I generate cash through my non-toxic housecleaning business (<EM>I can bring my kids if I need to--they're trained in the 'family' business!</EM>).  I recently lost over half of my business through clients' moving and traveling--circumstances I have no control over.</P>
<P>I volunteer in my community and at my youngest's school and am co-founder of the largest Earth Day celebration in my state.  I gave up the Earth Day event when my marriage crumbled due to my energy being so focused outside of the family.  I've since painfully paid the price and have renewed my commitment to walk in balance and simplicity.  I've developed a deep faith and trust that what we need, we'll have.  And we do.  But getting on the land and out of the urban rat race even more than we have still seems a distant dream for lack of cold hard cash.</P>
<P>I have no shortage of initiative, skills, experience, and wonderful people in my life.  But over the course of making so many radical changes in my life, I plunged into crisis and lived with depression while trying to single-parent a rebellious teenager who doesn't choose my lifestyle.  The depression and stress have taken such a toll on my body that I live with constant chronic fatigue, and some other more private health issues.  I use my knowledge of plant medicine and holistic healing modalities and spiritual work to keep my head above water <EM>(I have no health insurance and don't use mainstream doctors for systemic conditions).</EM>  Try to understand the idea of having a good attitude about your poverty and simple lifestyle when the power's about to be shut off and you can barely drag yourself into the day and you find your kid's split to who knows where again.</P>
<P>What has helped me through these stressful years has been the support of my friends, who I consider to be my real family.  The long talks into the late night, the phone calls to check on our well-being, and yes, the cash loans and gifts have been ESSENTIAL to our never being evicted or standing in the food bank line.  </P>
<P>And yes, ultimately, I am my own life-designer.  I could take a minimum wage part time retail job <EM>(and I have in the past</EM>) or go back to being a state worker drone <EM>(great pay and benefits, less material world worries, but a systemic depletion of my spirit).  </EM>Before I was a teenage mother, back when I held a perfect G.P.A. and turned down many scholarships to continue to college, I knew deep down that I was smart enough and resourceful enough to not be pasty-skinned, mainstream-educated worker drone, a cog in the machine of an unsustainable dominant culture.  And I still know that to be true.  And today, in my mid-30s, I know so much more about creating sustainability than I had a clue about when I was 19 and married with one-year old.  I now see the path, the reward and the obstacles, and am living it as best I can, given what I currently have materially, physically, and spiritually.  It took many years to gain the knowledge and wisdom to even make the break.  And for the last 14 years I've been living in a community that is a mecca for the alternative/sustainability crowd, so am well supported outside of the mainstream <EM>( a Free School, an 'alternative' public 4-yr college,  lots of community workshops, a community Free Box, 2 food co-ops, huge farmer's market, lots of community supported organic agric.).  </EM>Again, my sense is that this young woman is probably not so blessed in her location.  And due to circumstances beyond her control, she may not be able to re-locate to a more supportive community at this time.  </P>
<P>Today my bank account has less than $75 to see us through the rest of the month---maybe not an issue if you're 'self-sufficient', but that's not yet my reality.  A few years ago, before what I call my collapse into the pit, I went back to school to study ethnobotany and land-based community.  I just couldn't pull off  part time school, single parenting, a job, and my community work all at once.  Some can.  I could have at another juncture maybe.  So for now, though I hadn't planned it early on, I clean the homes of people that are also conscious but that choose to do that rat race thing.  It's OK for now.  We have what we need.  </P>
<P>The nature of the dominant system makes it difficult to move beyond whatever circumstances you're in if moving beyond means something other than what the mainstream defines 'success' by.  If I want to live in a cob house, I need to have a patch of ground to put it on.  Well, in the area I live <EM>(which I'm obligated to stay until my children are grown</EM>), there's no way in hell I could personally produce even a small share of cash to go in on some land with like-minded people at this time.  Ultimately, this area is not where I want to build my cob house and settle in for the long term (<EM>my heart's in the SW</EM>).  The land has to be right, and so do the people I collaborate with.  You all that have built your own houses didn't just buy or take whatever piece of land that came along because it was the cheapest.....your settling in for the long haul likely came after much soul and land searching and defining for yourself what you wanted before you started, to some degree.  Sometimes things happen serendipitously (<EM>often, in my life</EM>), but the road to self-sufficiency seems best done with some sort of cushion or established cash flow, even if you live simply.    </P>
<P>My point here is that rather than judging this young woman for not doing the things it likely took you many years with some sort of financial safety net to accomplish, please please credit her for her consciousness despite all odds and encourage and support her rather than telling her to keep her chin up.  There's more to her story than she chose to share in a short email.  If you have stories of overcoming adversity, share them in a good way so that she can glean your wisdom, rather then telling her to quit her whining.  Read between the lines for what she DIDN'T say:  so many people in poverty situations have had to overcome mental, physical, sexual, and verbal abuse at the hands of the people that should have been nurturing and protecting them.  The scars left can be immobilizing; and many times they CAN be overcome, but not through blaming and shaming the victim.</P>
<P>Sometimes it IS the person--who after seeing your drive and desire to move forward--that offers to spring for your workshop tuition, or who relieves the emotional and mental pressure by paying off your overdue power bill that makes ALL the difference in the world.  Don't judge the giving of gifts so harshly.  I have been burned many times when giving freely, but aside from honing my b.s. detecters, it hasn't discouraged me from helping and giving freely when the opportunity arises.  I feel it a part of the process of having been so generously gifted myself along the way.  In Native American tradition, the circle is considered complete when we have returned the gifts to those in the circle that need them.  You never know when your helping another person in their dark hours will come back to you as gratitude or in the form of help you may need later down the road. </P>
<P>As a community, let's support one another, regardless of our material-world situations, scars or hangups.  Take credit for your own triumphs, but please please don't forget to help others less fortunate in their own struggles to also realize the dream of self-sufficiency in a culture that relegates true sustainability to the fringes.</P>
<P>Please forgive me for this unbearably long essay.  Thanks to all who share their wisdom and perspectives on this list.....may we all recognize each other as fellow travelers.....peace.....</P>
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<DIV></DIV>>From: "drhelp" <DRHELP at HOME.COM>
<DIV></DIV>>Reply-To: "drhelp" <DRHELP at HOME.COM>
<DIV></DIV>>To: "Michael Saunby" <MIKE at CHOOK.DEMON.CO.UK>, <COBLIST at DEATECH.COM>
<DIV></DIV>>Subject: Cob: could this whole liine stop, please 
<DIV></DIV>>Date: Sat, 14 Jul 2001 11:32:54 -0700 
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<DIV></DIV>>Thanks, Michael. I really hope everyone involved gets off the talk of how 
<DIV></DIV>>poor people "should" live. Obviously none are poor unless it's by choice, 
<DIV></DIV>>and then it's ersatz. Poor is poor. Living slim is the choice of many, but 
<DIV></DIV>>when they have money to spare, beyond what one needs to survive, that is not 
<DIV></DIV>>poor. And unless one is "succesfully" poor, it does not bode well to tell 
<DIV></DIV>>others lofty sentiment. 
<DIV></DIV>> 
<DIV></DIV>>Also, there are among us some who do not go the way of God, and if we can 
<DIV></DIV>>discuss cob building, and alternate building living successes and failures, 
<DIV></DIV>>and help each other to improve the probability of succesful alternative 
<DIV></DIV>>building, then good on us. Thanks for hearing me on this. Diana in Victoria 
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Rethink Your Life! Finance, health, lifestyle, environment, philosophy	The Work of Art and The Art of Work Kiko Denzer on Art